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windyridge



Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 2732
Location: Up the garden from Henry
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 11:04 am    Post subject:  Reply with quote    

cheap-n-cheerful wrote:
I'm new here so not able to comment on this thread, but it is my understanding that forums evolve, and just like real life people you come into contact with, some you love and some you dont.

I was a member of another forum for a long time, spent hours on it, and as I was a moderator I dipped into all the topics. Then things changed. Because I speak my mind and don't join fan clubs, dont cosy up to people, and don't do the huggy kissy thing, I suddenly didn't fit in. People mis understood my meanings and started to have a go at me, and it upset me because I couldn't understand why. I tried to state my case but nobody listened, so I gave up.

I have learnt from that experience. Learnt to not take forums too seriously. It takes a far stronger person to walk away when discussions start getting heated. From what I've seen here, there are some topics that I will not go into because I know I won't like what I read in them. For a nicer life I will ignore them. Squabbling is childish, and scoring points off each other is ridiculous. I think you should all say sorry and make up.


Lovely post, well expressed CnC

Pilsbury



Joined: 13 Dec 2004
Posts: 5645
Location: East london/Essex
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 11:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Brownbear wrote:
Pilsbury wrote:
not much fun to be had now


Quite hard to engage in humour when anything at any time may be deemed personally insulting, given that there is no proper definition, just the vague suggestion that it has to do with being nice (presumably so that it can be interpreted as widely or narrowly as the person interpreting it wishes at the time).

However, has been pointed out before, if you want humour, banter etc, there are plenty more forums in the world.


I know there are other forums, I like downsizer but from that reply especially the bit i highlighted that DS is no longr a place for fun, humour and banter, shame because that was one of its biggest plus

and thanks for taking my quote out of context

Chez



Joined: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 35907
Location: The Hive of the Uberbee, Quantock Hills, Somerset
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

I have been thinking about this a lot. I think there is a lack of respect for other people and their thoughts and opinions that has become more and more prevalent and which must be putting many people off posting.

There is also a LOT of 'humour' that is, actually, pretty horrible stuff disguised as banter.

This needs to change for ds to continue as a supportive, pleasant place to be.

Many people are, actually, frightened to post because they don't want to be torn apart or have to defend their position to the nth degree.

I really don't see how 'please be nice' can be misinterpreted, unless it is a deliberate misinterpretation.

paul1963



Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Posts: 2161
Location: No longer active on the forum
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 12:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

As a relatively recent newcomer to ds and having been away last week and not seen the thread that sparked the discussion I did find ds a bit "scary" to start with, and felt a need to justify some of my views (some readers may recall my fairly acid rebuttal to a couple of comments on my first thread), having settled in and being the opinionated fool that I am I feel I have learnt to not take any of it personally and find it a fun place to be. Having said that as someone else has pointed out earlier in this thread calling someone an idiot (or whatever) is offensive by definition and certainly shouldn't happen on here or indeed anywhere, it just plain rude.........

vegplot



Joined: 19 Apr 2007
Posts: 21298
Location: Ynys Môn
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 12:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Stacey wrote:
vegplot wrote:
I rather like the 'be nice' mantra.


Is that the one with the sliding scale according to who you are and how regularly you post?


No. It's the one where you stop digging for dirt.

Mr O



Joined: 13 Feb 2005
Posts: 5512
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 12:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Pilsbury wrote:
cheap-n-cheerful wrote:
I'm new here so not able to comment on this thread, but it is my understanding that forums evolve, and just like real life people you come into contact with, some you love and some you dont.

I was a member of another forum for a long time, spent hours on it, and as I was a moderator I dipped into all the topics. Then things changed. Because I speak my mind and don't join fan clubs, dont cosy up to people, and don't do the huggy kissy thing, I suddenly didn't fit in. People mis understood my meanings and started to have a go at me, and it upset me because I couldn't understand why. I tried to state my case but nobody listened, so I gave up.

I have learnt from that experience. Learnt to not take forums too seriously. It takes a far stronger person to walk away when discussions start getting heated. From what I've seen here, there are some topics that I will not go into because I know I won't like what I read in them. For a nicer life I will ignore them. Squabbling is childish, and scoring points off each other is ridiculous. I think you should all say sorry and make up.


Nice post, thanks
possably up for the downsizer oscar for best use of emoticons as well


I would say over use of emoticons, or is that an insult?

Jo S



Joined: 13 Jan 2009
Posts: 5174
Location: Somerset
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Through sheer force of will (and the ability to wield the biggest wooden spoon you've ever laid eyes on), my great grandmother brought me up to never argue with the chef

But Pilsbury has neatly summarised what I've been thinking.

Good old fashioned debates have become arguments - often bitter and personal, even just to read, let alone as a poster.

Banter has become caustic and humour is used as a weapon: "I'm being funny so you can't view it as insulting or offensive".

And, as this thread so beautifully illustrates, anyone who suggests we should "be nice" is mocked.

It seems, at times, as if there's something going behind the scenes, some undercurrent. I don't what, I may have been drinking too much coffee and stared into the 3am void one too many times, but there's a tension that I can't put my finger on.

paul1963



Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Posts: 2161
Location: No longer active on the forum
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Jo S wrote:


It seems, at times, as if there's something going behind the scenes, some undercurrent. I don't what, I may have been drinking too much coffee and stared into the 3am void one too many times, but there's a tension that I can't put my finger on.


Honestly not felt that myself

marigold



Joined: 02 Sep 2005
Posts: 12458
Location: West Sussex
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 1:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Jo S wrote:

Banter has become caustic and humour is used as a weapon: "I'm being funny so you can't view it as insulting or offensive".



It's a classic tactic of a bully to claim that they were only joking if challenged and that the objector has no sense of humour or is over-sensitive...

Nicky Colour it green



Joined: 25 Jun 2007
Posts: 8698
Location: Devon, uk
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Chez wrote:
I have been thinking about this a lot. I think there is a lack of respect for other people and their thoughts and opinions that has become more and more prevalent and which must be putting many people off posting.

There is also a LOT of 'humour' that is, actually, pretty horrible stuff disguised as banter.

This needs to change for ds to continue as a supportive, pleasant place to be.

Many people are, actually, frightened to post because they don't want to be torn apart or have to defend their position to the nth degree.

I really don't see how 'please be nice' can be misinterpreted, unless it is a deliberate misinterpretation.



well said

Becki



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 6293
Location: Devon
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 1:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Chez wrote:
I have been thinking about this a lot. I think there is a lack of respect for other people and their thoughts and opinions that has become more and more prevalent and which must be putting many people off posting.

There is also a LOT of 'humour' that is, actually, pretty horrible stuff disguised as banter.

This needs to change for ds to continue as a supportive, pleasant place to be.

Many people are, actually, frightened to post because they don't want to be torn apart or have to defend their position to the nth degree.

I really don't see how 'please be nice' can be misinterpreted, unless it is a deliberate misinterpretation.




Good post.

Brownbear



Joined: 28 May 2007
Posts: 14929
Location: South West
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Surely personal insults are better than impersonal insults, where the insulter cannot even be bothered to tailor them to any of the unique features of the insultee, perhaps not even addressing them by name, and missing out any sore points or raw nerves, however obvious.

It would be almost as bad as forgetting a friend's birthday.

Went



Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 6968

PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 3:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Is this not getting blown out of proportion? This is a faceless (in the main) forum where people from all walks of life, swap ideas, opinions, feelings and information. Some people have better manners than others and some people attempt to add weight to their discussion by bully tactics and insults. Others show mutual respect for each other and do not get bogged down with ignorant responses.

I simply choose to ignore those who cannot demonstrate good manners, graciousness or mutual respect. I certainly don't lose any sleep over it.

At times it does seem like a bit of a club with some regulars supporting each other no matter what but that is the nature of the beast. Downsizer is no worse than many other internet forums and a damn site better than most.

My advice would be to ignore those who are too wrapped up in their own self worth that they have no respect for their fellow contributors...they know who they are.....


Behemoth



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 19023
Location: Leeds
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Brownbear wrote:
Surely personal insults are better than impersonal insults, where the insulter cannot even be bothered to tailor them to any of the unique features of the insultee, perhaps not even addressing them by name, and missing out any sore points or raw nerves, however obvious.

It would be almost as bad as forgetting a friend's birthday.


More impressive would be an impersonal insult that managed to offend everybody.

(I am not being flippant)

Brownbear



Joined: 28 May 2007
Posts: 14929
Location: South West
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 11 3:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote    

Behemoth wrote:

More impressive would be an impersonal insult that managed to offend everybody.


Offend everybody? Given the heterogeneity of our membership, that would indeed be an impressive demonstration of the vituperative arts.

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