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What's the best way to pot a Chav?

 
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Tittch



Joined: 17 Feb 2006
Posts: 1768
Location: Chichester
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 5:50 pm    Post subject: What's the best way to pot a Chav? Reply with quote
    

I get a whole pack of prime buck Chavs hanging around outside the front of my house, making a nuisance with their noisy mating and courtship rituals, trying to attract roe Chavs. I wonder what gear I should use in order to bag one for the pot? Also which would taste better a roe or a buck?

Any suggestions?


mark



Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Leeds
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 5:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

why not try selling them mooncups to give to their girlfriends!
or asking them how many of them are closet nudists!
or how to fix your pc?

I'm sure all three approaches will have them in rapid retreat


mark

Tittch



Joined: 17 Feb 2006
Posts: 1768
Location: Chichester
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 6:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

mark wrote:
why not try selling them mooncups to give to their girlfriends!
or asking them how many of them are closet nudists!
or how to fix your pc?

I'm sure all three approaches will have them in rapid retreat


mark


Are you my stalker?

Treacodactyl
Downsizer Moderator


Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 25795
Location: Jumping on the bandwagon of opportunism
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 7:06 pm    Post subject: Re: What's the best way to pot a Chav? Reply with quote
    

Tittch wrote:
I wonder what gear I should use in order to bag one for the pot?


Ah, a common mistake. Chavs are like snails, full of unpleasant things that first need to be *purged*. Snails only take a week with lettuce leaves but a buck Chav will take far, far longer on a diet of *Evian* and mixed *salad* leaves. After about a month they should be ready. There was a good recipe in the Daily Mail a while back, suggested hanging them for a few weeks first. Don't forget that you can't serve a fine wine but some thing called 'barcardi breezer' I think.

TD.


mark



Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Leeds
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

Tittch wrote:


Are you my stalker?


only if you are very very lucky

Rob R



Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 31902
Location: York
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

What the hell is a chav?

Bugs



Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 10744

PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

Rob R wrote:
What the hell is a chav?


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav

mark



Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 2191
Location: Leeds
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

Rob R wrote:
What the hell is a chav?


see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav or https://www.chavscum.co.uk/[/url]

Rob R



Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 31902
Location: York
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

Ahh, at least that's a label you can use in polite company

Mad Dad



Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 407
Location: Nowhere near where I want to be
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 06 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

My son dresses like a Chav but thankfully he doesn't do the rest of the stuff.......How do I know I hear you ask.....highflier at school and He hardly ever goes out (but I wish he would) and if he does it is usually to girlfriend/mates house.

Tittch



Joined: 17 Feb 2006
Posts: 1768
Location: Chichester
PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 06 5:51 pm    Post subject: Re: What's the best way to pot a Chav? Reply with quote
    

Treacodactyl wrote:
Tittch wrote:
I wonder what gear I should use in order to bag one for the pot?


Ah, a common mistake. Chavs are like snails, full of unpleasant things that first need to be *purged*. Snails only take a week with lettuce leaves but a buck Chav will take far, far longer on a diet of *Evian* and mixed *salad* leaves. After about a month they should be ready. There was a good recipe in the Daily Mail a while back, suggested hanging them for a few weeks first. Don't forget that you can't serve a fine wine but some thing called 'barcardi breezer' I think.

TD.



Ooh that sounds really good. Do you think that Scottish Highland water would be a suitable substitute for Evian? There are one or two that look like if they were separated from the pack they would be easy to pick off...

wishus



Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Posts: 777
Location: Northampton, East Midlands
PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 06 11:19 pm    Post subject: Re: What's the best way to pot a Chav? Reply with quote
    

Tittch wrote:
I wonder what gear I should use in order to bag one for the pot?



Burberry camouflage!

Mrs Fiddlesticks



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 10460

PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 06 8:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

can you be sure of their provenance though, free range they may be ( otherwise they'd not be outside your house) but I prefer my supper with out excess hormones!! ( and acne cream, dubious aftershave and fake tan)

cab



Joined: 01 Nov 2004
Posts: 32429

PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 06 9:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

Contact poison on heavy gold jewellry left in plain view? That ought to do. 'Course then you've got to salt them for a while to get the poison out, making a 'chav bacon' which is almost as nasty as 'turkey ham'.

Gervase



Joined: 17 Nov 2004
Posts: 8655

PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 06 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
    

I wouldn't eat one - I've seen what goes into 'em. Yuk!
I used to work with a couple and would give them a lift to and from the foundry every day. They were stuffed so full of pills that they rattled like Smartie tubes every time we went round a corner. Friday afternoons were the worst, as they's start shovelling the stuff down during the afternoon tea break, so that by the time they hit the weekend they were already flying on a mix of speed, viagra and temazepam.
Bless 'em!

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